The First Fiddle

Uh-huh...I’m One Fierce Woman. And despite being cheated on, lied to, slandered, and screwed (figuratively and literally) by my high school sweetheart, husband of nearly 25 years, and the father of my six children, I ain’t playing second fiddle either. And it’s not because I didn’t feel second best. There were many days that I did. There are some days that I still do. But I have found the strength to reshape my view of myself.


When my ex wrote me a four-page love letter, following our divorce, I was also able to view his negative words through a different lens. Although he told me that he was forced to write the letter, I believe that he knew his words were true. We both knew it. Every word written is the truth—including an admission that he lied about our marriage in order to spread the blame for his affair.


that last page...

But on the last page of that letter, he left a beacon of hope for me—and also for you. 


He left me words that every woman should live by:


You are a fierce woman.  

You shouldn’t play second fiddle to anybody. 

You need to reclaim your light.  


Yes, he said those words to me when he was living in truth and not in lustful lies. That mantra applies to all of us—divorced or happily married; young or old; confident or lacking self-esteem. This is your mantra. This is our mantra. And it’s just what the Doctor (Burton) ordered!


It wasn’t just his words that required me to overhaul my mind. It was also the words—and silence—of longtime friends, in-laws, and my spiritual community that left me confused. 


Redefine your relationships, friendships, and situationships with that “prescription.”


WE are fierce.

WE are the first fiddle.

And if our light has been dimmed or extinguished, it’s time to reclaim it. 

not second fiddle...

Maybe you don’t have the strength to do it now. Maybe you found strength yesterday, but not today. Then try again tomorrow! Start by sharing your testimony. 


Seeking and sharing your truth at this conference will be a good place to pivot. 


Sometimes I appear more whole and happy than I feel. It’s a spectrum, and I routinely have to keep my mind renewed. But here’s what I can tell you fo’ sho:


I ain’t playing second fiddle to nobody.  

And neither should you